Still The Centre

Hard to imagine that only a few months ago Ontario considered itself the centre of the universe. Now, our Prime Minister is ashamed to even be seen with the Premier of Ontario. Wow! Our PM said to Ontario, "I thank you from the heart of my bottom." I guess that explicitly tells Canadians what Ontario is really the centre of. Of course, we here in the St. Mikes area have known that for years!

Dimmy

Shock And Awe

The crooked little cretin from Shewinnigate must have been under a tremendous amount of pressure to join the rush of countries to follow the most militarily and - more important- economically powerful country in the world into what was supposed to be a short and glorious war. A number of thinkers from the Fraser Institute have stated that if Jean Chretien had not been the Prime Minister, and if any other Canadian politician of that time had been the Prime Minister, Canada would also have become a part of the heroics!
Chretien had always worried about his legacy. Well, he ended up with a doozy! History will probably line up Bush and Blair alongside Hitler and Stalin, while Jean Chretien will be keeping company with the likes of Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Theresa.
Not many people are aware that the balls Chretien bared at the Gommery Commission were counterfeit; his own, however, have to be real and big and brassy! Someone once said that war is the very worst form of human communication. I only hope our present and future Canadian governments will always remember the lesson that was Iraq!

Dimmy

The French Poodle Pool

Man-oh-man! You just gotta love the Little French Poodle! He's the best thing to ever happen to the Cons. . . uh, Liberals. Yessir! Unfortunately, he may not last. In fact, here in the St. Mike's area a pool started and has grown by leaps and bounds. It works like this: Five bucks. . . Guess the year of the next Liberal leadership convention. (2007, 2008 0r 2009) Five bucks, guess the month of the year you chose. Five bucks, guess the new leader. My first $15 went like this: October, 2007, Kennedy. But of course there are the big spenders who entered three or even four times. So my next $15 was July, 2008, Kennedy. Now, you don't have to have every section correct. I could win a few bucks if I had the month and year correct, but Scott the Rot Brisson became the new Liberal leader. (Oh boy! The conservatives would love him too!)
Actually though, I'm hoping that little citizen of France sticks around for awhile; he's just so damn cute!

Dimmy

As plain as the. . .

Last week we were watching Calgary's David Gray finish up his newscast and because we were all involved with pizza and wine and greasy hands, nobody was able to change the channel in time to prevent "The Hour's" wannabe hippy with the booger in his nose from occupying the screen. Then we noticed the absence of booger. "Must have blown his nose." Somebody joked. "Nope," said our lady still in the loop, "The decorated one says he moved it down below, but that was not totally true. He tried to get the metal thingy out of his nose but couldn't, so, since the size and shape were so similar, he moved nose and all down into his pants!" Our hostess finally found the channel changer and the Puffy Duffy entered out midst. "So," she said, "that thing on his face is actually his. . . ?"
"Yep." Our girl in the know said, "and the CBC had to put a new urinal in every washroom in the building. . . at, uh, nose level."
"Must be awkward for the Hopalong Hippy though, eh?"
"Not necessarily. Remember that filthy habit he used to have? Well now he can just scratch that bump on his face anytime he wants."
"And when we see him with his hands deep in his pockets. . .?"
"He's just picking his nose."

Dimmy

The Spintop

I was really proud of Stephen Harper when he denounced Hamas. The first world leader to do so! He immediately cut off the annual 25 million dollars the Liberal Government had been donating to this terrorist organization. The CBC, seeing a chance to discredit Harper, used a lot of air time telling the Canadian people about all the good things Hamas does. Buying school books, paying salaries, etc. The CBC didn't mention the bus load of teenage girls Hamas blew to smithereens. The pizza parlour full of people, mostly kids, Hamas bombed. Nor all the suicide bombings of trains, schools, buses and restaurants.

When Stephen Harper made a big fuss in China about the Chinese Canadian that was being held and tortured in a Chinese jail, the CBC went into action. "Not much like the Chretien years when our man Jean would bring Team Canada to China and get all kinds of contracts to help the Canadian economy." The CBC didn't mention human rights. Hey, if we can discredit Harper who cares about one poor bastard getting his balls cut off.

When the Conservative Finance Minister tackled the big banks about charging Canadians too much at ATM machines, the CBC extracted one of their pickled pricks from its jar of pickled pricks it always keeps at the ready. They called this one an expert from Vancouver and gave him all kinds of air time to spout the most asinine, ludicrous, cockamanie crap such as, "Oh my yes, Canadians don't mind paying those charges. All our emails and other correspondence indicate Canadians enjoy paying ATM charges. They like it!"
Jesus, Mary and Joseph, CBC, why don't you just report the news and leave the warping and bending and twisting of the truth to your friendly neighbourhood politicians!

Dimmy

CBC Poll Vault

"Damn! This corner is windy! Hey Nancy, is your corner windy?"
Nancy looks down the full length of the CBC building at Kathleen on the far corner shivering and blowing in the wind. "Windy! I think my drawers just crossed Yonge Street! Hey Peter, how come you got the calm spot near the main entrance?"
Peter brushed imaginary hair out of his eyes. "When the boss said hit the street and do a poll favourable to the Liberals he just said surround our building. I got here first."
"Where the hell is Rex?" Kathleen yells.
"On the other side of the building. He says he's in the lee, whatever that means."
"Jeez! Newfies are strange. Hey, here come lots of people. Let's go get 'em guys."
-------------- -------------------- ------------------
"So, Peter, I saw you talking to that group of men. Who do they like, Liberals or Conservatives?"
"Well, they were all policemen so I just asked them what colour the CBC should paint the building next spring."
Nancy just nodded her head. "I hear ya. My group were Jews, so I asked them which is the healthier food, Bananas or tomatoes. How about you, Kathleen?"
Kathleen just shrugged. "Chinese. . . what can I say?"
"Where in hell are all those smart Ontario voters we so dilligently brainwashed over the years?"
"Probably working in Alberta. Heads up! More people coming."
-------------- ------------------- --------------------
"Did ya get some good answers from that bunch, Kathleen?"
"They were military. They said we shouldn't change the colour of the CBC building."
"Wonder how Rex is making out?"
"If he's not gone fishing he's probably looking for a marsh to pick bakeapples."
"Bake apples don't grow on a marsh."
"According to Rex, they do."
"I'm frozen. I'm going home. I hear CTV might be looking for an anchor."
"Com'on Peter. . . we only need three people to say they like the Liberals best."
"Good. Here we are then. You, me and Kathleen!"
"What about Rex?"
"Rex? Ha! He's still waiting for the reincarnation of Smallwood!"
"Okay then, that does it. We now have the new CBC poll results. 75% of the people love the Liberals! Everybody agree? Good! Let's go get a drink."

Dimmy

Tuesday March 27, 2007

A few weeks ago on CBC radio the lady announcer said, and I quote, "Mavor Moore has died butt first. . ." Then she was talking about something else. I pondered, over my breakfast, how a person might accomplish (if that's the word) such an exit. As I forked a hunk of egg the old "What came first?" riddle went through my mind. The big question of course is: Can a body somehow control what part goes first? In the overall scheme of things this could be a question of the utmost importance. If there actually is anything after death I'm sure we would all like to make that great first impression. Arriving butt first may not be the ideal way. "Hey Pete, make sure that fat, hairy ass keeps floatin' right on by!"
Anyway, I've gotta get to bed now, but first, I think I'll have another wee nip o' nog.

Dimmy