CBC-N-YA

A Mentally Deficient Boy

2009-01-30T20:19:00.000-08:00

Oh Danny Boy,
The tears, your tears, are falling.
You've just been screwed, as screwed as a man might get.
You should be scared, Stephen Harper may come calling,
Oh Danny Boy. . . you ain't seen nothing yet!

But don't come back. . . . . . to visit, in Ontario.
Keep your big, fat ass, sitting on that stupid isle.
Just stay there. . . . . . . . in your stinky fish scenario,
Quislings like you, don't last, but a very rancid while.
_______________________________________________________________

Oh Danny Boy,
You must study, and learn your ABCs.
And you must watch, very close, your Ps and Qs.
Or Stephen Harper, who has a lot of recipes,
Might throw you in, a big pot of fish and brews.

All Canadians know. . . . . . . you're mentally retarded,
We've seen you rant, and rave, and lose it, on TV
Stay where you are. . . . . . . you soon will be discarded,
Oh Danny Boy, you're not, you're just not, our cup of tea!

Dimmy

The Federal Liberal Party

2008-12-18T10:08:00.000-08:00

Joining the Separatists makes my anger rise,
Jack sleeps with Gilles then they spout their lies.
But there are two main reasons why I despise
The Federal Liberal party.

I turn on the TV and there they are,
Getting in or out of their luxury car
MCCALLUM and BRISON, each one a czar
In the Federal Liberal Party.

Old JOHN-THE-PAWN, with his baggy face,
And SCOTT-THE-ROT, wearing undies of lace,
They firmly believe they're impossible to replace
In the Federal Liberal Party.

But soon, I hope, there'll be another election
Again WE THE PEOPLE will make our selection.
This time we'll stuff them in a place of correction
The whole Federal Liberal Party!

Dimmy

The CBC had better stop trying to get that Iggy guy elected, or I'm REALLY going to get mad!

2008-09-17T21:53:00.000-07:00

CBC Newsroom. . . Three days AFTER the office party!

2008-08-28T21:44:00.000-07:00

"After I hit Sadam with my fist, the bump on his head was this big. . . "

2008-08-17T15:20:00.000-07:00

"Yeah, right! And if you believe that you probably believe Michael Ignatieff has leadership qualities! Har-de-har-har!"

2008-08-17T15:13:00.000-07:00

Okay gang. . . get set. . .at the count of three. . . One. . . two. . . three. . . . " Awww-vea Ma-reee-eee-yawww. . ."

2008-08-14T15:27:00.000-07:00

Laddie Come Home

2008-08-06T22:13:00.000-07:00

Anybody who watched "The National" on Monday August 4th on CBC must have noticed that Peter wasn't looking very healthy. His complexion was splotchy and sickly. The CTV Network accused the CBC of being too cheap to send Peter's regular make-up artist with him to China. That was not actually the case. In fact, right after Peter's electronic countenance made it back to Canada, the CBC sent two of it's best make-up people to Beijing by the fastest way possible. . . email. Now, I happen to be very experienced with Chinese ways so I knew exactly what Peter's problem was: Peter had eaten dog!
Oh, I know what you're thinking. . . You think China has taken dog off the menu. Well, that's true. China has taken dog off it's written menus. . . sort of. Dog, slightly disguised is still being served, and in the finest of restaurants!
For instance, Peter probably innocently ordered the Fire Hydrant Special. . . or maybe it was the Bob Barker Burger or even the Hot Benji Sandwich. I know a lot of tourists have turned green with envy (?) just watching the native Chinese lapping up the delectable Roll-Over-Rover turnover.
Now, it is possible that Peter has not eaten dog but has eaten rat, which is still on most Chinese menus. I have to admit a nice, big, sewer rat, cooked as only the Chinese can, will compete with anything Montreal's Chez Paree will serve up (Food wise, anyway!)yet they still try to disguise it on menus. Once again, in his innocence, Peter has probably ordered the Rodentia Hash, or possibly the Mickey burger which is made from only very young rats. I sincerely hope that Peter wasn't unlucky enough to ingest the James Cagney Special which, though extremely tasty, is really nothing more than a hard-boiled dirty rat!
Changing the subject; Peter and the CBC did a fine job uncovering the rotten, sordid politics of China trying to compete with the rotten, sordid politics of what we call. . . "The Olympics!"
Dimmy

Why do you want to take my picture? I'm not a bit photogenic! Really! I haven't even combed my feathers! Aw com'on, I'm just going to look awful!

2008-07-07T14:48:00.000-07:00

I warned ya!

2008-07-07T14:44:00.000-07:00

"Come yout, come yout, come yout my prietty kietten . . "

2008-06-27T17:56:00.000-07:00

"Neooo, neot neowww!"

2008-06-27T17:53:00.000-07:00

"Mama, Mama, look at me!" ---------------------------- "That's lovely, honey. . . now eat your cereal."

2008-06-22T21:04:00.000-07:00

Evolving. . . but oh so slowly.

2008-06-22T12:29:00.000-07:00

Last week in the news there was a terrible story about 13 females who were slaughtered because it was thought they were witches. There was a number of young girls, and one woman was over eighty! . . .and you wonder. . . In this age of computers, cell phones, Martian explorations, space stations, etc., it's hard to imagine such Neanderthal, stupid thinking is still happening on our planet!
And then we see 300 men with their heads on the ground and their asses pointed toward the stars and they're chanting and praying and whatever else they do, five times a day! . . . and you wonder. . . In this age of computers, cell phones, space stations, etc., how is it possible that such stupid, Neanderthal thinking still persists on our planet?
And then we see a family. . . Mama, Papa and the three kids all dressed up in their Sunday-go-meeting clothes, looking to cram themselves into a building along with three hundred other gullible, perfumed bodies to watch a gray haired old priest, probably a molester of little boys, perform the miracle of changing bread and wine into the body and blood of Christ! . . . and you wonder. . . In this age of computers and space stations, etc., how can such stupid, stupid, Neanderthal thoughts still putrify the minds of the inhabitants of our planet?
And then we see. . . Wait! What's that prancing down the street? Why, it's an Atheist! A turbin headed man runs up to the Atheist and says, "Com'on, you have to come with me and put your head in the dirt and point your ass at the heavens and beg forgiveness from Allah for all your sins." The Atheist just laughs and says, "Thou shouldst go forward my son and perform the act of fornication upon thyself!" and then the Atheist walks happpily away.
And then a well dressed woman runs up to the Atheist and says, "Come with me. You have to get on your knees and pray along with the priest as he performs his miracles during his celebration of the Mass". The Atheist just laughs and says "Dominus Vobiscom lady. . . thou shouldst go forward and perform the act of fornication upon thyself!" and then the Atheist walks happily away.
And then a fat man with a bone in his nose and wearing only a postage stamp size cloth to cover his shame approaches the Atheist and says, "See that young girl? I saw her point her finger at a tree and the tree fell down! I saw her look up at the sky and it started to rain! She's part of a coven of witches and all thirteen of them must die! Come with me to kill all the witches!" The atheist looks at the little brown man and asks, "did you figure all this out by yourself?"
"My whole tribe figured it out."
"Did your tribe examine the tree to see what caused it to fall?"
"We know what caused it to fall. The witch pointed her finger at it."
"Has it ever rained here before?"
"Oh yes, it rains here all the time."
"I suggest you and your whole tribe go forward and perform acts of fornication upon yourselves, for as long as it takes."
"For as long as what takes?"
"For as long as it takes to vanquish those stupid blind beliefs you've been brainwashed with and to glean an iota of common sense! Perhaps then you will see a world of beautiful reality and not a cesspool of supernatural excrement full of gods, witches, ghosts, devils and goblins. Perhaps then you will be able to think for yourself and not have to be told what to think by stupid, silly
people with their stupid, silly bibles or korans!"
"How long do you think all that will take?"
The Atheist sighs. "Evolution doesn't happen over night. I hope it happens before the twelfth of never, because that's a long, long time."
Dimmy

Ah yes. . . . . . .a rose by any other name. . .

2008-06-21T21:13:00.000-07:00

The CBC President pondering life after Stephen Harper was elected Prime Minister of Canada!

2008-06-16T13:20:00.000-07:00

So what did your parents say when you asked them to look after our puppy doggy for a month or so?

2008-06-12T19:51:00.000-07:00

Dimmy! You idiot! Do I look like I'm sinking? Come on in, it's not quicksand! Honest!

2008-06-12T17:48:00.000-07:00

Keen on Green

2008-06-11T18:58:00.000-07:00

Lord Old Weaselturds! Did you see all the crap that went on today on TV? All the big shot politicians were apologizing from all sides of their two faces to us natives. It went on for hours! Stephen Harper had a frog in his throat, Jack Layton had to wipe a tear off his face and that little French guy. . . isn't he a citizen of France? Well, I don't know what he was doing there but he was just as phony as the rest of them. They think all they have to do is stand up and say, "Sorry for this, sorry for that, sorry, sorry, sorry." Well, I have something to say too. I'm sorry but sorry just don't cut it! Jeez! I don't know why it takes you whities so long to learn anything! We don't want nansy pansy words. . . we want money! Our great and famous chief Noisybum wrote it all on a big rock hundreds of years ago: WE own 123% of this whole country! He said it was okay to let Whitie live here for awhile as long as they paid us lots of money. Well, you've been here for a long time now, amd you HAVE given us a lot of money, millions and billions, but we want more. It's a frigging big country! So you can apologize and talk and talk all you want but for us we only listen when money talks. When money talks we listen. What part of that do you Whities not understand? So you can flush all your apologies down your fancy toilets! WE WANT MONEY!
Thank you and may the four winds blow your money to us!
Chief Running-Ass-With-Broken-Leg

Dimmy

When I grow up I'm going to be a part of the CBC management. . . Just like my Dad!

2008-06-05T21:32:00.000-07:00

Yep. . . it's a pimple all right!

2008-06-03T19:19:00.000-07:00

Can you tell me where the CBC Management Trainee Centre is located?

2008-06-03T19:11:00.000-07:00

May I see your driver's license, please?

2008-06-03T14:09:00.000-07:00

One false move, Buddy, and it's lights out!

2008-06-02T22:32:00.000-07:00

CBC's all wet

2008-06-02T21:03:00.000-07:00

Wipe the drool from your chins,
Shake your heads to make it fall,
Not too vigorously please,
Or it could splatter on the wall.
CBC has a cause celebre,
One they hope wont go away,
But will embarrass Stephen Harper.
And Maxime, his protege.

They don't care what's right or wrong,
They just want to do Harper in,
They lie and slander for Dion,
OH FOR GOD'S SAKE WIPE YOUR CHIN!

That little citizen of France
Would sell his soul for a hundred votes
If CBC helps him get elected,
They'll get millions of bank notes.
Reminiscent of Jean Chretien,
Who gave CBC that sixty mil
For the assassination of poor Stockwell,
And we taxpayers got the bill.

CBC wants the little Frenchman
Sitting in the PMO
Cause they know one thing's for certain,
Harper wont give them any dough.
So the Corporation is gearing up now
To blame the Conservatives for Bernier's sin,
But the CBC will have egg on its face
To match all the drool on its chin!

Dimmy

CBC President still up there contemplating life since the election of Stephen Harper!

2008-05-26T15:15:00.000-07:00

Yes, I think if we adjust his tail a bit, this puppy will fly!

2008-05-26T13:08:00.000-07:00

Beware CBC. . . Dimmy is watching you!

2008-05-25T23:08:00.000-07:00

They told me there's a great big salami coming in on the beach. I THINK they said salami.

2008-05-25T23:00:00.000-07:00

Oh darn! I shouldn't have done that! My mom will go balistic when she sees this picture!

2008-05-25T22:54:00.000-07:00

CBC newsroom. . . two days BEFORE office party!

2008-05-25T22:31:00.000-07:00

Just because I'm fat they all think I have anorexia. I don't understand their logic!

2008-05-18T16:00:00.000-07:00

Hey in there! Is this the CBC Management Trainee Centre?

2008-05-18T11:45:00.000-07:00

I wub you!

2008-05-14T10:39:00.000-07:00

two of the CBC top brass met in a field yesterday to discuss programming. . .

2008-05-05T20:22:00.000-07:00

Damn! That's nice! I just hope I don't miss my bus!

2008-05-04T19:03:00.000-07:00

All I did was ask people to write in who thought the CBC was biased toward the Liberals. . .

2008-05-01T22:43:00.000-07:00

stirring The Pot

2008-04-23T20:41:00.000-07:00

"Hey, Babe. Are you awake?"
"No."
"The birds are chirping and the sun is splitting the rocks. It's time to get up."
"I don't think so."
"Are you dreaming about your brilliant, handsome hubby?"
"I don't have one of those."
"Teemu is here and he agrees it's time to get up."
"Why don't you take him downstairs and feed him?"
"He's not hungry."
"How do you know?"
"Well, he was outdoors and. . . remember all those chirping birds I mentioned?"
"Ummm."
"Well, there are three or four that are not chirping anymore."
"That's disgusting!"
"I know it is. That's what I told him."
"You shouldn't let him do stuff like that."
"I know, but he didn't ask my permission."
"Why don't you go check your email or mow the lawn or something?"
"I was thinking I might take a run down to Bountiful."
"Good idea. See ya. . . ......Bountiful?"
"Yes, They say it's beautiful there this time of year."
"I've heard of Bountiful."
"I know! It's beauty is well known all over."
"Wasn't it in the news lately? Something about a dirty, old man running around loose?"
"Oh, who knows? No matter where you go these days there's bound to be a dirty, old man running around loose."
"That's for sure, sometimes even in my bedroom! Will you turn the tub on for me, please?"
"I did. Twenty minutes ago. Should be just the perfect temperature by now."
"Oh my, you're so good. . . but I hope you're keeping your temperature under control, I have to meet my mother in a couple of hours. . . "
"I knew that! So she's not coming here then?"
"We're going to have brekkie at Tim's. Are you really going to Bountiful?"
"Yeah, I think I will. It's only a couple of hours drive."
"What are you going to do there?"
"Oh, I don't know. Just look around I guess. They say there's always something happening there."
"Okay. Have a nice time. Bring me home something nice."
"I will, and bring me home some Tim Bits. Oh, and don't forget to mention to your Mom where I've gone."
"Why should I do that?"
"Oh, you know your Mom. . . she always seems to enjoy keeping tabs on my whereabouts."
"Yes, you're right. She does worry about you a lot. Well I'd better get a move on before my tub gets too cold."
"Want me to do your back. . . or your toenails or something?"
"No! Go do Teemu's toenails! In fact, you should cut them all off. . . and pull his teeth while you're at it!"

Dimmy

All's Not Well In Metropolis

2007-10-25T12:43:00.000-07:00

When J K Rowling announced that one of the main characters in the Harry Potter books has his genes on backward, it caused quite a commotion in the literary world. However, yesterday's announcement by Superman author Roger Stern has rocked the literary world to its foundations! At a book signing, Mr. Stern told his adoring public that neither Superman nor Clark Kent has an actual penis! Apparently a small piece of Kryptonite got into baby Superman's diaper and well. . . the poor little pecker just withered away to nothing! This dreadful fact was never even alluded to in the fifty odd years of comic books. The people at the book-signing were aghast when Stern told them that in a lot of the pictures where Lois Lane was smiling. . . she was faking! Also, in some of the pictures where Superman looked rather. . . uh. . . super, well, an ordinary rolled-up sock was used! Batman author, Frank Miller, after hearing this shocking news about Superman just laughed and made his own surprising disclosure about his black caped hero. "Batman", said Miller proudly, "not only has an actual penis but it is the size of a bat!" His listeners were very quiet. too quiet! "No, No," He explained quickly. "I don't mean one of those little creatures that hang upside down. . . I mean a BASEBALL BAT!" His audience sighed with relief. "However", Miller continued, "It's still rather sad. Where Superman has Lana Lang and Lois lane, Batman doesn't have any women in his life." As Robin lamented in a 1983 comic book. . . "Holy Torpedo, Batman! Holy torpedo, Batman! Holy tor........................"
Dimmy

Michael Row Your Ship Back Home

2007-10-20T18:36:00.000-07:00

He held his hand out to me as beautiful violin melodies wafted through the cool Quebec air. Our fingers touched, tingling together as crickets danced 'neath our feet. I looked deep into his eyes and experienced his inner being. His soul! He uttered words with such emotion a tear wet his cheek. "Marc", he whispered in my ear. "Marc. I want you!" My emotions were also running high. "I want to be with you too, Stephane." I said, a bit too loudly. I want to join up with you again. I'm here, Stephane, I'm back! I'm your's for the taking. For God's sake, take me, Stephane, take me!"
"Yes, Marc", Stephane yelled back. "I'll take you. I'll really take you!"
"Oh Stephane, do you believe in same sex marriage?"
"Well, I'm already married. . . to a woman!"
Oh, I know that! So am I. But on my way over here I met Stephen Harper, and he wanted me to join his party, and I said yes. But as soon as I mentioned I was totally in favour of same sex marriage he suddenly lost all interest in me."
"Don't worry Mark, he's just a homophobic redneck! Forget him. We have to concentrate on Michael."
"Michael?"
"Yes. Ignatieff. You DID say you'd be able to get him on the next space mission, didn't you?"

Dimmy

An Eternal Classic

2007-06-12T12:44:00.000-07:00

I'd like to thank all you fine looking young Canadians for coming to your local arena. People just like you are gathering in arenas all over Canada today. Okay then, let's get started. Each of you grab a waist paunch and buckle it around yourselves. Good. Now see that red button below the buckle? It's called "The Last Thing Button". Yes, it's okay to push them, your paunches haven't been armed yet. When they are armed and you walk into a group of Muslim radicals, if you can blow up five or more of them you will spend eternity in front row seats at the first four games of the 1972 Canada Russia series! Take ten or more Muslim extremests out and you get free hotdogs and pop forever. Twenty will get you to the next four games being played in Russia. Yes, also front row seats! Now, if you blow thirty or more Muslim extremests to Hell. . . uh, sorry. . . Paradise, you get to see the goal as many times as you want. Over and over for eternity. Isn't that fantastic? But wait, there's more! Get forty or more of those Muslims and you can actually sit with Foster Hewitt for the whole eight games. He'll even allow you to say "He shoots, He scores!" into the mike. But wait, you haven't heard the best part yet. If you send fifty or more Muslim extremests to paradise, you can become, yes, actually become any Canadian player you want to be! You can be Big Pete, bulldozing your way through Russians on their blueline. You can be Tony O, yes, you'll be Mr. Zero, stopping pucks bam! bam! bam! Some of you might prefer to take the classiest bow ever taken, by the classiest guy to ever play hockey as Phil, making his Russian entrance! You can be J P Parise, but this time you'll be allowed to take the head off that Czech referee! Why not? He deserved it! Be the Roadrunner, cruising at fifty miles per hour. Be the Captain of Team Canada, with or without teeth. Ladies and gentlemen, this will be an eternity you'll never forget! Now go to the dressing rooms and get those pouches armed! ALL PRAISE BE TO ALLAH EAGLESON!

Dimmy

Beautiful, Beautiful Brown Eyes

2007-06-11T15:10:00.000-07:00

The damn seal hunt! Seems to be a no win situation for Canada. It's bad. Used to be a lot worse though. It's been more that 25 years since baby seals have been killed. Remember that infamous picture of Mulroney standing over the dead boar like a great, white hunter? I believe he shot it in Bosnia. Anyway, it really seemed to upset the Liberals and NDP and they gave our then Prime Minister a lot of flak about it. But Mulroney made a remark that, in my mind, was the quote of that decade. He said: "When Sven and the boys are sitting around on the hill eating their steaks, do they think the steer committed suicide?" Sven and the boys! I love it! Now, CBC, you have aired many scenes of seals being killed with all that red blood on the white snow etc etc. I realize it makes for great TV, especially now in "living" colour! But still, I wonder would it be feasible for the CBC to take cameras into an Alberta slaughter house? I heard that Sven, before he became a jewel thief, sometimes ordered veal. Yes, those big, brown, trusting eyes of a baby cow just before its demise could make for some excellent TV too, don't you think?

Dimmy

CBC Has A Bono To Pick With Harper.

2007-06-08T10:29:00.000-07:00

It was mentioned on an earlier post that the CBC would find a clever way to discredit Harper while he was at the G-8 Summit. Well, it wasn't very clever. They found a couple of well known Canada Haters, and gave them a million dollars worth of air time to discredit Canada's role at the G-8 and to tell Canadians what a rat Harper is. Let's digress. Way back when Martin was the PM, Bono came to Canada to get his monthly dose of publicity with which to shine his halo. Sensing there could be young votes available, Martin played Bono like a slow violin; promising lots but dithering even more. Bono had never met such an accomplished ditherer!
Frustrated, Bono and partner Geldof decide to enlist the aid of the opposition. They found out real fast that Harper is not a ditherer. Harper said, "Listen Homo Bono. . . Up your ass with a broken glass, and stinger needles for Geldof!" Well! That was just too much! Bono ripped off his famous rose coloured sunglasses! A Bold act of courage! Like Holy Wow, Man! It just doesn't get much heavier than that!
Roll ahead a couple of years and Bono and his faithful partner are still trying to rub shoulders with big guys. They manage to get a picture with Bush and another with Putin. When Bono asked Harper to pose for a picture, Harper just looked at him and said,
Stick a thorny rose up your horny nose,
Stick a John Deere gear in your ear.
Give your feet an acid treat,
And another broken glass up your rear!
Bono ran screeching down the French pathway all the while screaming, "Where are those Canadian TV people? Where's the CBC? I'm ready for interviews. No charge!
And interviews he gave. And so did his partner, Geldof. You can catch those interviews on CBC TV and Radio every hour on the hour, during the next election!

Dimmy

Welcome Back Khadr

2007-06-05T17:52:00.000-07:00

The Khadrs! What a family! They make the Trailer Park Boys look and act like Royalty! They're so low on the evolutionary scale they need Binoculars to see a snake's belly! However, they're smart enough to take advantage of Canadians good nature, and grab as many benefits as possible while laughing at our gentle souls.
The Khadrs! On September 11, 2001 Mama Khadr did a gleeful dance when the Twin Towers fell. While people around the world looked on in horror, Mama was heard to say. "Our praise be to Allah! It's the most wonderful day in a Muslim's life! Allah will make sure those Glorious pilots have eternal happiness in paradise! All Praise be to Allah!"
The Khadrs! In April, 2004, Papa Ahmad and his son, Abdul are in Pakastan doing what they love to do, Killing people! But Alas, poor Papa gets shot and bites the dust! (Don't worry, Allah immediately put him in Paradise!) Abdul also gets shot, but lives. (Poor guy! So near but yet. . .) Now, here's Mama with a dead husband and a paralyzed son. Even Allah, though he's good at the Paradise thing, seems unable to help her still-alive son. What to do? What to do? Well, she highballs back to Canada, of course, to pick up her Welfare cheque and to get free medical treatment for her little sweetheart!
The Khadrs! Meanwhile, Abduraman, who calls himself the black sheep of the family, (That's a terrible insult to the whole black race and to every sheep that ever roamed a hillside!) has figured out a way to get free education in Canada while he's not abroad bombing innocent people!
The Khadrs! Two of the Canadian Government Opposition Parties want our PM to do something nice for poor Omar, the youngest son, who's still at Guantanimo for killing a medic. Yes, The Liberals and the Greens want Our PM to intercede with Bush, and to send some more top lawyers down in Bush country to Bring Omar Khadr back "home" to Canada and to his wonderful family! Afterall, he was only fifteen when He killed that medic! Stephane Dion and Elizabeth, MAYflower, have said they'd both be at the airport to welcome back the youngest Khadr!

Dimmy

CBC Coyote

2007-06-03T12:23:00.000-07:00

On June 4, 2007, Prime Minister Harper will be in Berlin for the Canada-EU Summit. Betcha a doughnut the CBC will find some clever way to discredit him. From June 6 to June 8 the PM will be at the G-8 Summit. Betcha a doughnut. . .! While in Berlin the PM will deliver a speech to German and Canadian business and science leaders. Doughnuts, anybody? Later he will go to Paris to meet with the President and the Prime Minister of France. . . What was that? The CBC is going to buy Tim Hortons?
Holy Doughnut holes! I tell ya, the CBC is one smart outfit! It's darn near impossible to keep up with their wiley ways!

Dimmy

CBC's Beauties

2007-06-01T13:42:00.000-07:00

I keep wondering about that nose of Pinocchio. Does it actually get longer when he tells a lie or is it only in his own mind? Perhaps it's just the perception of the people that heard his lies and, because they are aware of the strange malady, think they see the nose getting slightly larger. Now, if some people heard Pinocchio tell lies but were not aware of the nose thing, they might say, "Did you hear all those lies? And look! His ears are all shriveled!" Yes, I think it could be something like that. The reason for all this deep thinking is this: The CBC has a lot of fine looking people working the screens of our nation's TVs; Damn good looking people! Yet, with all the warping, bending, and yes, downright lying that they do, I believe the average viewer, might look at, say, Peter and think: Hey! Are his jowls getting Larger? Or watching Andrew twist the facts might say, "Wow! Look at his mouth. It's starting to look like the entrance to a tunnel!" Or when Nancy with the smiling eyes, starts warping the facts, might say to themselves, "Gee! Look at her smiling eyes. Why do they keep going off madly in all directions?" Yes, I believe the once loved CBC has a problem with its nose. But then, it could be only in the eye of the beholder.

Dimmy

Unholy Image

2007-05-29T16:31:00.000-07:00

Well, CBC, this is kind of hard to believe but yesterday I was making french toast and there, right in the middle of the second slice was this beautiful image of Stephane Dion! Honest! It even had a bit of scripture attached to it. It said: "I am a good leader. I really am a good leader. I became a citizen of France just in case Canada split up, but I am a good leader. Some people even say I'm a great leader! I've heard my mother say that many times!" Then, alas, it ran out of toast. Oh,oh! I've gotta go. My spouse seems to be getting excited about something. Probably found another beautiful image in the scrambled eggs!

Dimmy

Our Omnipotency

2007-05-27T11:48:00.000-07:00

Holy Weaselpoop, CBC, this is real serious. My people are getting very angry. My people think we are getting the wrong end of every stick you people, (All the people that are not my people) can stick us with. Get this straight, CBC, five hundred years ago my people wandered freely over this land. Why, one of my ancestors rode her horse from Victoria to St. Johns without stopping! Yes, okay, it was a very good horse. Every one of my people knows that our Great God-Chief Blusterbum gave us every rock, every blade of grass, every blueberry bush that our horses urinated on during my people's legendary travels. Why, in just one week, one ancestor's horse peed in Kamloops, Port Aux Basque, and all over Toronto! Yes, I have to admit, that too was an excellent horse. Now, CBC, this is well known, sacred scripture and must not be ridiculed by your people. Since the laws of Canada do not pertain to my people, and since the glorious RCMP don't have a clue how to deal with my people, me and my people will be coming to take back Toronto. We want to do it peacefully but our masks and sling shots and tractors are at the ready. Tell Peter and Rex to make sure their desks are spotless!

Dimmy

Sleepin' Raw

2007-05-25T18:41:00.000-07:00

"Is this where I pick up the truck load of goods?"
"Yep. This is the CBC building."
"Is it a full truck load?"
"What are you driving, a one ton?"
"Yeah."
"Oh yes, it'll fill your truck nicely."
"So what is it, old records or what?"
"Nope. Clothing. All clothing."
"Why not give it to the Sally Ann?"
"They tell me it's a bit sensitive. Ah! here we are."
"Jeez! It's all red!"
"Yep. Liberal Red."
"What kind of clothes are they?"
"Well, there are hundreds of neckties. . . Quite a few turbins. . . but mostly it's underwear."
"Underwear?"
"Yep, a lot of shorts and pajamas and such."
"Wow!
"Yes, strangely enough, it's mostly women's underwear."
"Really? Wow! How come?"
"Well, you know. . . Once the Liberals lost the election. . . change of government. . . emotions running high, especially with the women, and I guess red just reminds them of better days."
"My God! Just look at all those panties!"
"Yes, I know. Kathleen alone donated seventy-two pairs to the pile. . . plus about 50 bras. See those ugly PJ's? . . . Peters!"
"So those tiny little shorts with the big red fish on them must belong to. . ."
"Yep. Rex!"
"Wow! That's great! Let's go for a drink. I have to think about all this."
"I thought you'd never ask."
"So, Old Buddy, Another beer? . . .and what does a CBC janitor make?"
"Not enough!"
"Well, Old son. . . If you and I play our cards right. . . I'm sure that's gonna change!"

Dimmy

When Senility Sets In

2007-05-23T00:11:00.000-07:00

Some people might think what I'm about to say is sacrilegious or even un-Canadian, but I'm going to say it anyway. It's time Don Cherry hung up his mouth! It's getting downright embarressing watching Ron, looking up at Don, (who's sitting on a ten inch thick cushion) and trying to keep a sensible conversation flowing. Ron and Kelly are great. Ron and Don are just, well, pathetic. There was a time when Don said it like it was, no holes barred and kind of articulate in an un-articulate sort of way. But in those days, Russians couldn't, or wouldn't hit, Swedes really were wimps and only a Canadian could captain a Stanley Cup winner. Not any more. And when Don now makes his silly predictions which never come true anymore, he doesn't even have the grace to replay them back (Like he always did when some of his predictions actually did happen. Yes, the time has come for the Mouth That Roared to roar no more! Goodbye Don, you were great, and we'll all miss you.

Dimmy

Up Chuck

2007-05-18T10:19:00.000-07:00

I'm kind of sorry about this but I just don't have any choice. I have to sue the CBC! It's like this: One of the kids was fooling around with the channel changer and accidently left the TV tuned to CBC. Well, when I walked into the TV room, and before I had a chance to change the channel, "The Hour's" little fat wannabe hippy, the one with clangy metal doodads hanging from his protuberances, was on my TV acting like Cassius Clay shadow boxing! I'm not sure how much it costs to clean puke off a carpet but after receiving some legal advice, I'm now pretty sure the CBC will have to come to my home with all their cleaning paraphenalia and do the dastardly job of cleaning up the mess. They might also have to buy me a new dinner!

Dimmy

They Always Get Their White Man

2007-05-17T17:53:00.000-07:00

Holy Weaselhead! Did you catch the speech our great chief made on CBC yesterday? It was three hours long! I know, because my woman and I drank three cases of beer while it was on and you can set your clocks by that! He sure warned you whities that there's a summer of unrest coming. Oh, and did you see the Braves on YOU-Tube showing all Braves how to derail a train? Man that was cool! Can you imagine a Whitie going on U-Tube showing people how to copy a CD of a movie or something? Woo-eee! Those glorious Mounties would have him before he got up from his keyboard. But the Glorious Mounties don't want anything to do with us. Nosiree! They'd much rather be out there giving traffic tickets to you poor Whities. "Okay Missus, not wearing a seatbelt, eh? That'll cost you $189.00."
"But officer, did you see that terrible thing the Natives did on U-Tube?"
"Okay Mam, that'll be an extra $50.00 for resisting a ticket."
"But they're going to derail a train!"
"We're just here to serve and protect Mam, we don't work for the railroads."
"What about the airlines?"
"We don't care what happens to airlines either."
"Yes, Since the Air India disaster I'm sure most Canadians know that by now!"
Holy Weaselnose, I have so much fun just thinking about you Whities and the RCMP, and the politicians, and the nine Supreme Court Judges (WINK, WINK! NUDGE! NUDGE!) I just wouldn't want to live any where else. Excuse me while I break out in song, "Oh Canada! It's all on Native land!"

Dimmy

Trauma Stricken

2007-05-16T12:55:00.000-07:00

"Okay now Susan, You have to get it through your head, the election is over, the Conservatives have won, and you still have a promising career with the CBC. Okay so far?"
"Yes, okay so far."
"All right then. Just repeat after me. . . Prime Minister Harper. There now, that wasn't too hard was it? Okay now Susan, this time, don't just mouth the words. This time make some sounds. Okay? Okay. Just say, Prime Minister Harper. Yes, that was pretty good. Now, one more time without the grimace and the grinding of teeth, okay? Prime Minster Harper. . . Not bad, Not bad. But whispering it just wont cut it, Susan, this time say it loud and proud, Prime Minister Harper. Oh, that was very good Susan, very clear and loud. But it's Harper, not Martin! HARPER! Martin is no more. There is no more Prime Minister Martin! For God's sake Ms. Bonner, can't you understand? You'll never be able to do another newscast until you learn to say it fluidly and confidently. Now, please, Susan, please. . . One more time, Prime Minister Harper. . . Okay. okay, that wasn't too bad. Now dry your eyes and try saying it without sobbing, okay? Okay Susan, you can do it. Let's go. One more time, PRIME MINISTER HARPER!"

Dimmy

Tough Love

2007-05-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

"I'm getting fed up with this job. It's really starting to get to me."
"Oh, don't be silly, Peter. You're still one of the best news anchors in Canada."
"Oh, sure, yeah. In a group of four I'm probably number five."
"Oh come now. That's definitely not true. Tell me, what's really bothering you?"
"Aw, it's just that asshole Harper in the PMO. . . we just can't seem to nail him."
"Peter, Peter. Everybody eventually hates politicians. It's just a matter of time. You'll get him, mark my words."
"I don't know. . . He's only been in office a little over a year and already his list of accomplishments is a mile long. . . Softwood lumber, Age of consent, Border guards, Hamas, stronger armed forces, extra police, apologizing to the Chinese. . . The firemen love him, the Jews love him, the army loves him, the police love him, and dammit! The son-of-a-bitch seems to be honest!"
"Nobody's honest, Peter, Nobody! Why don't you go visit Rex? He always seems to cheer you up. Watch a hockey game or something."
"Hockey game? Rex doesn't know a puck from a. . ."
"Peter! Anchors don't swear! Now get out of here and go see Rex."
"Okay. Thanks for the shoulder. Goodbye."
RING RING RING
"Hello?"
"Listen. Peter is heading for Rex's place. Grab him there and get him into the CBC detox centre right away. He's got a really bad case of Conservatitis!"
"Will do."
"You'd better do! And do it fast! He's becoming dangerous. I don't care how rough you have to be. . . get that CBC Enlightenment Indoctrination started immediately! Hear me?"
"We hear you, Mrs. Mansbridge. We'll get right on it."

Dimmy

Crooks Of A Feather

2007-05-14T12:22:00.000-07:00

I was wondering. . . there are a lot of scams posing as ads on TV these days. Some of them are so obvious that even the people in power at CTV, Global and CBC have to realize that airing those ads make them, the networks, accessories to the scams! For example, that bracelet. . . the Sun Ray, or Sting Ray or whatever they call it. . . a few strands of twisted construction wire and a couple of plastic tips and your whole life will change for the better. They sell from $19.95 to as high as $79.95, depending on the gullibility of the location, I guess. Oh, and don't forget the shipping and handling. That ranges from $6.95 to $19.95, depending- blah blah blah. Then there's the old con man, the Video Professor. Send for his "free" CD, just pay $9.95 shipping and handling. Order three of his "free" CDs and you pay $9.95 three times, even though the CDs all arrive in a flat little package with about 87 cents worth of postage. Same thing with "the Owl" the little nite light thing the size of a credit card. order two for $15.00, but guess what? you pay shipping twice! Last week I bought a bunch of "Head-On" I didn't have a clue what it was for because they don't tell you on the TV ad. . . anyway, I smeared a lot of it on the front of my car. . . covered the hood and head lights and fenders. . . and sure enough! Two miles from home I had a head-on! I'm waiting for the day when some crusader launches legal action against all these crooked scams. . . but I'm still wondering. . . will the networks be charged? What do you think?

Dimmy

Yellow Whities

2007-05-13T18:50:00.000-07:00

Holy Weaselface! Our ancestors would be so proud of us for the way we went into Caledonia and demanded justice. So we had to rough up a few whities, hell, we've been doing that forever and it's getting damn profitable too. The Ontario Premier is going to give us everything we say we own. Nobody messes with us Natives, not even the glorious RCMP! We break a few heads, tear up a few roads, knock down a few power lines, but they all know better than to mess with us, cause if they do, there'll be blockades and sympathy marches all over this wonderful land. If things get rough my people will come from all over North America, from around the whole frigging world even! YIPPEEEBOOGATUMTUM! Sorry. sometimes I just can't contain my natural exuberance. We know that population wise, whities outnumber us 173 to 1, but they're so shit-faced scared of us that there are evenings I just lay in my government supplied bed, in my government supplied house and laugh! Our great Chief Thunderass would surely yell with glee at the number we're doing on you white SOB's! Well, I'm going to get me some dinner. No, no, I wont be hunting a rabbit, I'll be dining at the Four Seasons; I'm not a savage, you know! After dinner I'll go pick up my government cheque and then mosey down to the blockade, point my fingers at a few pale-faced women and watch their faces get even paler! It's fun man! I'd run for mayor of this two-bit town if I didn't already own it.

Dimmy

Out Of The closet

2007-05-10T14:12:00.000-07:00

Every now and then a CBC person comes out of the closet and admits to being a homo sapien Liberal. Man oh man, there are a lot of them! Just the other day Susan the Bonny Bonner said on air she receives her instructions by email from her Liberal masters. Wow! what a thing to say on TV. The strange thing about it is: She didn't seem to be ashamed or embarrassed! Scheeee! With all the illegal, shoddy, dirty things the Liberal party has done over the past 10 years, she should be VERY ashamed! VERY embarrassed! I've calculated approximately 27% of the Liberal Party is ex CBC-ers! Right now the CBC is so scared that Stephen Harper is going to cut off the funding that comes out of our (taxpayers) pockets, it will say or do anything to try and Make the Conservatives look bad and keep them from achieving a majority government. Don't be scared CBC. It's not too late to mend your ways. Start giving Canadians the unvarnished truth for a change; no more warping or bending or "Liberalizing" the facts! Stephen Harper is a reasonable man. He knows that Canada needs another straight-shooting, honest broadcasting network like CTV. . . He also knows Canada does not need another totally unresponsible, lying, cheating, biased network like the one down in the States called FOX
Dimmy

This Hour has a Blooper

2007-05-03T12:34:00.000-07:00

"RING RING"
"Yo Dude. This is "The Hour" George here. Sup Man?"
"This is the President."
"Hey! Mr. Bush. I'm so thrilled you call. . ."
"Not THAT president! This is the CBC President. Is this George Papapoopalotapiss?"
"Well. . . uh. . . Hey, yeah, that's close enough, yeah, yeah, that's me."
"How do you spell that?"
"M-E-"
"No, you idiot! How do you spell your name?"
"G-E-O-R. . ."
"Jeez! YOUR LAST NAME!"
"My last name? Damned if I know. My mother always did that for me."
"Ah yes, your mother. . . A fine lady. I was speaking with her yesterday."
"Golly! That's great dude. uh, I mean Mr. President. What'd she have to say?"
"She said your brother is an only child."
"Hmmm. That's strange. She never mentioned anything about that to me."
"She also said you think a club sandwich is made of wood."
"Well, like, duh, man. what else could a CLUB sandwich be made of? DUH!"
"Listen George, We've told you before, stop mentioning about all those emails you get, accusing the CBC of being biased toward the Liberals. It's just drawing attention to the fact."
"But Sir, I love the CBC. I was just defending. . ."
"George, you defending the CBC is like Clifford Olsen defending daycare centres!"
"Clifford who?"
"George, the only reason you have a show is to make Mansbridge look better when he comes on right after you."
"Oh yeah man, he really looked great in that cinnamon suit last week. Any chance I could wear a suit like that on my show so I could look that good too?"
"You poor, mentally challenged, wannabe hippy! The only way you could look good would be for us to tear out all those clangy decorations from your body and put you beside Scott Brison!"
"Scott who?"
"Brison? He's that traitorous little weasel who'd vote yes to marry your male dog if he thought he'd get a little pat on the popo from papa Stephane."
"Ho, dude! DUH! Sorry man, I don't have a dog! DUH!"
"I'm happy for the dog!"
"And also, DUH! I betcha think I donno what clitoris means. Like, DUHHHH!"
"CLICK"

Dimmy

One Or Tutter

2007-05-02T13:28:00.000-07:00

There's a question that's been floating around in my mind for years:
Does the CBC only hire Liberals, or do only Liberals apply for work at the CBC?
Anyway. . . I'm going now and cook me up some brekkie. Let's see. . . If I had some bacon I'd have bacon and eggs. . . if I had some eggs.

Dimmy

Next To Godliness!

2007-04-30T23:15:00.000-07:00

It is said that Ontario Voters have the cleanest brains in Canada.
It is also said that the CBC can legitimately take credit for most of this cleanliness.

Dimmy

A Political Odyssey

2007-04-30T13:32:00.000-07:00

"Hello. . . This is David Gray in Calgary. I'd like to speak with the president."
"I'm sorry sir, Mr. Bush isn't in right now."
"Jeez! Not that president. The CBC President."
"Just a moment sir, I'll patch you through."
"Good afternoon, Dave, How are you today?"
"It's morning sir. Still morning here in Calgary. Are you watching my show?"
"I'm sorry Dave, I was not watching your show."
"Sir, I don't have much time. I'm on commercial break. I was wondering if you would ask the call screeners to allow at least a couple of calls through that are not Liberal?"
"I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that. You know it's against our policy, Dave."
"But sir, the polls indicate there are a helluva lot more Conservatives out there than Liberals. If my calls don't reflect that these redneck Albertans will run me out of town. I'll end up in Siberia or Ontario or someplace!"
"That's too bad Dave. I'm sorry about that Dave. Will you be taking your vacation in August again this year, Dave?"
"Sir! Even my Liberal guest has commented ON AIR about the absence of Conservative calls. Whatever happened to fair and balanced?"
"I'm sorry Dave. May I ask you another question, Dave?"
"Question? Uh. . . yes, go ahead. . ."
"Thank you Dave. You mentioned you had such a nice time on your vacation last year, Dave, will you be going to the same place this year, Dave?"
"Jesus! Is everybody going crazy?"
"I'm sorry Dave. Crazy is a subjective word that requires an opinion. I'll have to get back to you on that one, Dave."
"Yes. . . Yes sir, do that. By the way sir. . .?"
"Yes Dave? Continue Dave."
"Just behind your desk, near the floor there's probably a thick, white cord plugged into the wall. Do you7 see it sir?"
"Just a moment, Dave. . . I'm looking for it now, Dave. . . Yes Dave. . . I see it Dave. . ."
"PULL IT!"

Dimmy

Still The Centre

2007-04-04T12:53:00.000-07:00

Hard to imagine that only a few months ago Ontario considered itself the centre of the universe. Now, our Prime Minister is ashamed to even be seen with the Premier of Ontario. Wow! Our PM said to Ontario, "I thank you from the heart of my bottom." I guess that explicitly tells Canadians what Ontario is really the centre of. Of course, we here in the St. Mikes area have known that for years!

Dimmy

Shock And Awe

2007-04-03T09:25:00.000-07:00

The crooked little cretin from Shewinnigate must have been under a tremendous amount of pressure to join the rush of countries to follow the most militarily and - more important- economically powerful country in the world into what was supposed to be a short and glorious war. A number of thinkers from the Fraser Institute have stated that if Jean Chretien had not been the Prime Minister, and if any other Canadian politician of that time had been the Prime Minister, Canada would also have become a part of the heroics!
Chretien had always worried about his legacy. Well, he ended up with a doozy! History will probably line up Bush and Blair alongside Hitler and Stalin, while Jean Chretien will be keeping company with the likes of Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Theresa.
Not many people are aware that the balls Chretien bared at the Gommery Commission were counterfeit; his own, however, have to be real and big and brassy! Someone once said that war is the very worst form of human communication. I only hope our present and future Canadian governments will always remember the lesson that was Iraq!

Dimmy

The French Poodle Pool

2007-04-02T13:35:00.000-07:00

Man-oh-man! You just gotta love the Little French Poodle! He's the best thing to ever happen to the Cons. . . uh, Liberals. Yessir! Unfortunately, he may not last. In fact, here in the St. Mike's area a pool started and has grown by leaps and bounds. It works like this: Five bucks. . . Guess the year of the next Liberal leadership convention. (2007, 2008 0r 2009) Five bucks, guess the month of the year you chose. Five bucks, guess the new leader. My first $15 went like this: October, 2007, Kennedy. But of course there are the big spenders who entered three or even four times. So my next $15 was July, 2008, Kennedy. Now, you don't have to have every section correct. I could win a few bucks if I had the month and year correct, but Scott the Rot Brisson became the new Liberal leader. (Oh boy! The conservatives would love him too!)
Actually though, I'm hoping that little citizen of France sticks around for awhile; he's just so damn cute!

Dimmy

As plain as the. . .

2007-04-01T09:10:00.000-07:00

Last week we were watching Calgary's David Gray finish up his newscast and because we were all involved with pizza and wine and greasy hands, nobody was able to change the channel in time to prevent "The Hour's" wannabe hippy with the booger in his nose from occupying the screen. Then we noticed the absence of booger. "Must have blown his nose." Somebody joked. "Nope," said our lady still in the loop, "The decorated one says he moved it down below, but that was not totally true. He tried to get the metal thingy out of his nose but couldn't, so, since the size and shape were so similar, he moved nose and all down into his pants!" Our hostess finally found the channel changer and the Puffy Duffy entered out midst. "So," she said, "that thing on his face is actually his. . . ?"
"Yep." Our girl in the know said, "and the CBC had to put a new urinal in every washroom in the building. . . at, uh, nose level."
"Must be awkward for the Hopalong Hippy though, eh?"
"Not necessarily. Remember that filthy habit he used to have? Well now he can just scratch that bump on his face anytime he wants."
"And when we see him with his hands deep in his pockets. . .?"
"He's just picking his nose."

Dimmy

The Spintop

2007-03-29T16:57:00.000-07:00

I was really proud of Stephen Harper when he denounced Hamas. The first world leader to do so! He immediately cut off the annual 25 million dollars the Liberal Government had been donating to this terrorist organization. The CBC, seeing a chance to discredit Harper, used a lot of air time telling the Canadian people about all the good things Hamas does. Buying school books, paying salaries, etc. The CBC didn't mention the bus load of teenage girls Hamas blew to smithereens. The pizza parlour full of people, mostly kids, Hamas bombed. Nor all the suicide bombings of trains, schools, buses and restaurants.

When Stephen Harper made a big fuss in China about the Chinese Canadian that was being held and tortured in a Chinese jail, the CBC went into action. "Not much like the Chretien years when our man Jean would bring Team Canada to China and get all kinds of contracts to help the Canadian economy." The CBC didn't mention human rights. Hey, if we can discredit Harper who cares about one poor bastard getting his balls cut off.

When the Conservative Finance Minister tackled the big banks about charging Canadians too much at ATM machines, the CBC extracted one of their pickled pricks from its jar of pickled pricks it always keeps at the ready. They called this one an expert from Vancouver and gave him all kinds of air time to spout the most asinine, ludicrous, cockamanie crap such as, "Oh my yes, Canadians don't mind paying those charges. All our emails and other correspondence indicate Canadians enjoy paying ATM charges. They like it!"
Jesus, Mary and Joseph, CBC, why don't you just report the news and leave the warping and bending and twisting of the truth to your friendly neighbourhood politicians!

Dimmy

CBC Poll Vault

2007-03-28T12:33:00.000-07:00

"Damn! This corner is windy! Hey Nancy, is your corner windy?"
Nancy looks down the full length of the CBC building at Kathleen on the far corner shivering and blowing in the wind. "Windy! I think my drawers just crossed Yonge Street! Hey Peter, how come you got the calm spot near the main entrance?"
Peter brushed imaginary hair out of his eyes. "When the boss said hit the street and do a poll favourable to the Liberals he just said surround our building. I got here first."
"Where the hell is Rex?" Kathleen yells.
"On the other side of the building. He says he's in the lee, whatever that means."
"Jeez! Newfies are strange. Hey, here come lots of people. Let's go get 'em guys."
-------------- -------------------- ------------------
"So, Peter, I saw you talking to that group of men. Who do they like, Liberals or Conservatives?"
"Well, they were all policemen so I just asked them what colour the CBC should paint the building next spring."
Nancy just nodded her head. "I hear ya. My group were Jews, so I asked them which is the healthier food, Bananas or tomatoes. How about you, Kathleen?"
Kathleen just shrugged. "Chinese. . . what can I say?"
"Where in hell are all those smart Ontario voters we so dilligently brainwashed over the years?"
"Probably working in Alberta. Heads up! More people coming."
-------------- ------------------- --------------------
"Did ya get some good answers from that bunch, Kathleen?"
"They were military. They said we shouldn't change the colour of the CBC building."
"Wonder how Rex is making out?"
"If he's not gone fishing he's probably looking for a marsh to pick bakeapples."
"Bake apples don't grow on a marsh."
"According to Rex, they do."
"I'm frozen. I'm going home. I hear CTV might be looking for an anchor."
"Com'on Peter. . . we only need three people to say they like the Liberals best."
"Good. Here we are then. You, me and Kathleen!"
"What about Rex?"
"Rex? Ha! He's still waiting for the reincarnation of Smallwood!"
"Okay then, that does it. We now have the new CBC poll results. 75% of the people love the Liberals! Everybody agree? Good! Let's go get a drink."

Dimmy

2007-03-27T19:56:00.000-07:00

Tuesday March 27, 2007

A few weeks ago on CBC radio the lady announcer said, and I quote, "Mavor Moore has died butt first. . ." Then she was talking about something else. I pondered, over my breakfast, how a person might accomplish (if that's the word) such an exit. As I forked a hunk of egg the old "What came first?" riddle went through my mind. The big question of course is: Can a body somehow control what part goes first? In the overall scheme of things this could be a question of the utmost importance. If there actually is anything after death I'm sure we would all like to make that great first impression. Arriving butt first may not be the ideal way. "Hey Pete, make sure that fat, hairy ass keeps floatin' right on by!"
Anyway, I've gotta get to bed now, but first, I think I'll have another wee nip o' nog.

Dimmy