Friday, January 30, 2009

A Mentally Deficient Boy

Oh Danny Boy,
The tears, your tears, are falling.
You've just been screwed, as screwed as a man might get.
You should be scared, Stephen Harper may come calling,
Oh Danny Boy. . . you ain't seen nothing yet!

But don't come back. . . . . . to visit, in Ontario.
Keep your big, fat ass, sitting on that stupid isle.
Just stay there. . . . . . . . in your stinky fish scenario,
Quislings like you, don't last, but a very rancid while.

Oh Danny Boy,
You must study, and learn your ABCs.
And you must watch, very close, your Ps and Qs.
Or Stephen Harper, who has a lot of recipes,
Might throw you in, a big pot of fish and brews.

All Canadians know. . . . . . . you're mentally retarded,
We've seen you rant, and rave, and lose it, on TV
Stay where you are. . . . . . . you soon will be discarded,
Oh Danny Boy, you're not, you're just not, our cup of tea!


Thursday, December 18, 2008

The Federal Liberal Party

Joining the Separatists makes my anger rise,
Jack sleeps with Gilles then they spout their lies.
But there are two main reasons why I despise
The Federal Liberal party.

I turn on the TV and there they are,
Getting in or out of their luxury car
MCCALLUM and BRISON, each one a czar
In the Federal Liberal Party.

Old JOHN-THE-PAWN, with his baggy face,
And SCOTT-THE-ROT, wearing undies of lace,
They firmly believe they're impossible to replace
In the Federal Liberal Party.

But soon, I hope, there'll be another election
Again WE THE PEOPLE will make our selection.
This time we'll stuff them in a place of correction
The whole Federal Liberal Party!


Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Laddie Come Home

Anybody who watched "The National" on Monday August 4th on CBC must have noticed that Peter wasn't looking very healthy. His complexion was splotchy and sickly. The CTV Network accused the CBC of being too cheap to send Peter's regular make-up artist with him to China. That was not actually the case. In fact, right after Peter's electronic countenance made it back to Canada, the CBC sent two of it's best make-up people to Beijing by the fastest way possible. . . email. Now, I happen to be very experienced with Chinese ways so I knew exactly what Peter's problem was: Peter had eaten dog!
Oh, I know what you're thinking. . . You think China has taken dog off the menu. Well, that's true. China has taken dog off it's written menus. . . sort of. Dog, slightly disguised is still being served, and in the finest of restaurants!
For instance, Peter probably innocently ordered the Fire Hydrant Special. . . or maybe it was the Bob Barker Burger or even the Hot Benji Sandwich. I know a lot of tourists have turned green with envy (?) just watching the native Chinese lapping up the delectable Roll-Over-Rover turnover.
Now, it is possible that Peter has not eaten dog but has eaten rat, which is still on most Chinese menus. I have to admit a nice, big, sewer rat, cooked as only the Chinese can, will compete with anything Montreal's Chez Paree will serve up (Food wise, anyway!)yet they still try to disguise it on menus. Once again, in his innocence, Peter has probably ordered the Rodentia Hash, or possibly the Mickey burger which is made from only very young rats. I sincerely hope that Peter wasn't unlucky enough to ingest the James Cagney Special which, though extremely tasty, is really nothing more than a hard-boiled dirty rat!
Changing the subject; Peter and the CBC did a fine job uncovering the rotten, sordid politics of China trying to compete with the rotten, sordid politics of what we call. . . "The Olympics!"

Sunday, June 22, 2008

"Mama, Mama, look at me!" ---------------------------- "That's lovely, honey. . . now eat your cereal."

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Evolving. . . but oh so slowly.

Last week in the news there was a terrible story about 13 females who were slaughtered because it was thought they were witches. There was a number of young girls, and one woman was over eighty! . . .and you wonder. . . In this age of computers, cell phones, Martian explorations, space stations, etc., it's hard to imagine such Neanderthal, stupid thinking is still happening on our planet!
And then we see 300 men with their heads on the ground and their asses pointed toward the stars and they're chanting and praying and whatever else they do, five times a day! . . . and you wonder. . . In this age of computers, cell phones, space stations, etc., how is it possible that such stupid, Neanderthal thinking still persists on our planet?
And then we see a family. . . Mama, Papa and the three kids all dressed up in their Sunday-go-meeting clothes, looking to cram themselves into a building along with three hundred other gullible, perfumed bodies to watch a gray haired old priest, probably a molester of little boys, perform the miracle of changing bread and wine into the body and blood of Christ! . . . and you wonder. . . In this age of computers and space stations, etc., how can such stupid, stupid, Neanderthal thoughts still putrify the minds of the inhabitants of our planet?
And then we see. . . Wait! What's that prancing down the street? Why, it's an Atheist! A turbin headed man runs up to the Atheist and says, "Com'on, you have to come with me and put your head in the dirt and point your ass at the heavens and beg forgiveness from Allah for all your sins." The Atheist just laughs and says, "Thou shouldst go forward my son and perform the act of fornication upon thyself!" and then the Atheist walks happpily away.
And then a well dressed woman runs up to the Atheist and says, "Come with me. You have to get on your knees and pray along with the priest as he performs his miracles during his celebration of the Mass". The Atheist just laughs and says "Dominus Vobiscom lady. . . thou shouldst go forward and perform the act of fornication upon thyself!" and then the Atheist walks happily away.
And then a fat man with a bone in his nose and wearing only a postage stamp size cloth to cover his shame approaches the Atheist and says, "See that young girl? I saw her point her finger at a tree and the tree fell down! I saw her look up at the sky and it started to rain! She's part of a coven of witches and all thirteen of them must die! Come with me to kill all the witches!" The atheist looks at the little brown man and asks, "did you figure all this out by yourself?"
"My whole tribe figured it out."
"Did your tribe examine the tree to see what caused it to fall?"
"We know what caused it to fall. The witch pointed her finger at it."
"Has it ever rained here before?"
"Oh yes, it rains here all the time."
"I suggest you and your whole tribe go forward and perform acts of fornication upon yourselves, for as long as it takes."
"For as long as what takes?"
"For as long as it takes to vanquish those stupid blind beliefs you've been brainwashed with and to glean an iota of common sense! Perhaps then you will see a world of beautiful reality and not a cesspool of supernatural excrement full of gods, witches, ghosts, devils and goblins. Perhaps then you will be able to think for yourself and not have to be told what to think by stupid, silly
people with their stupid, silly bibles or korans!"
"How long do you think all that will take?"
The Atheist sighs. "Evolution doesn't happen over night. I hope it happens before the twelfth of never, because that's a long, long time."

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Keen on Green

Lord Old Weaselturds! Did you see all the crap that went on today on TV? All the big shot politicians were apologizing from all sides of their two faces to us natives. It went on for hours! Stephen Harper had a frog in his throat, Jack Layton had to wipe a tear off his face and that little French guy. . . isn't he a citizen of France? Well, I don't know what he was doing there but he was just as phony as the rest of them. They think all they have to do is stand up and say, "Sorry for this, sorry for that, sorry, sorry, sorry." Well, I have something to say too. I'm sorry but sorry just don't cut it! Jeez! I don't know why it takes you whities so long to learn anything! We don't want nansy pansy words. . . we want money! Our great and famous chief Noisybum wrote it all on a big rock hundreds of years ago: WE own 123% of this whole country! He said it was okay to let Whitie live here for awhile as long as they paid us lots of money. Well, you've been here for a long time now, amd you HAVE given us a lot of money, millions and billions, but we want more. It's a frigging big country! So you can apologize and talk and talk all you want but for us we only listen when money talks. When money talks we listen. What part of that do you Whities not understand? So you can flush all your apologies down your fancy toilets! WE WANT MONEY!
Thank you and may the four winds blow your money to us!
Chief Running-Ass-With-Broken-Leg


Monday, June 2, 2008

One false move, Buddy, and it's lights out!

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CBC's all wet

Wipe the drool from your chins,
Shake your heads to make it fall,
Not too vigorously please,
Or it could splatter on the wall.
CBC has a cause celebre,
One they hope wont go away,
But will embarrass Stephen Harper.
And Maxime, his protege.

They don't care what's right or wrong,
They just want to do Harper in,
They lie and slander for Dion,

That little citizen of France
Would sell his soul for a hundred votes
If CBC helps him get elected,
They'll get millions of bank notes.
Reminiscent of Jean Chretien,
Who gave CBC that sixty mil
For the assassination of poor Stockwell,
And we taxpayers got the bill.

CBC wants the little Frenchman
Sitting in the PMO
Cause they know one thing's for certain,
Harper wont give them any dough.
So the Corporation is gearing up now
To blame the Conservatives for Bernier's sin,
But the CBC will have egg on its face
To match all the drool on its chin!